Local archeologists are puzzled by an ancient apparatus discovered recently in plain sight in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah.
The apparatus has tiny slits or holes numbered 1 through 100, above which are inscribed inane and self-contradictory markings, perhaps a remnant of an ancient, now corrupted language of some kind.
"The civilization that built this edifice used base 10, that we know," said Jen Sanders, downtown Salt Lake City resident, who holds a Master's degree in Archeology from Utah State University and is currently working at Burger King to save up for her Ph.D. studies, pointing to the ten rows and ten columns of slits.
"I would guess that members of this civilization would put some kind of tribute into the slits, some kind of payment to the gods, perhaps to atone for prior crimes," explained Sanders, wearing her Burger King hat. "Maybe some kind of sacred plant, probably a psychedelic of some kind, or a brightly hued plant that could be used for dyes."
"I've got to go," she said, pointing to her watch and her Burger King apron.
It is believed that a team from the Smithsonian will arrive on Tuesday to take the ancient apparatus into physical custody. Until then, if you have the opportunity, you can pay your own tribute at 19th North and Eleventy-Ninth Cherry Court Circle. Come early, parking is limited.